While preparing to write this column, I asked my 17-year-old son, "Would you ever date a girl that had an ostomy?" Without a moment's hesitation he answered, "Sure, why not?" I realize that he is an "informed" teenager when it comes to the world of ostomy. He has not only grown up with a mom who lives with an ostomy, but has been dragged along to many talks and fundraisers over the years pertaining to living with an ostomy.

Suddenly a memory flooded back to me from the last United Ostomy Association conference held in Anaheim, California, in 2005. John noticed that the board members sitting up at the head table wore commemorative hats that said United Ostomy Association on the front and the years the organization
had existed on the back.

"Hey, Mom, any way you can get me one of those hats?" he whispered. I fired off, "You want one of those hats? The Ostomy Association hats? Why? Would you wear it to high school?" "Of course," he answered matter-of-factly. Frankly, I wondered if he really would wear it.

I felt shy about asking a board member if I could buy a hat from them, but we mothers often step out of our comfort zones to satisfy our kids' desires. Though deathly afraid, I have not hesitated to slay spiders or mice that were in the same room as my children; surely I could ask about a baseball cap. I approached Dan and Marilyn Tyrell of Michigan, explained John's desire and offered to pay for a hat. They wouldn't hear of it. Instead, Marilyn said with a wink in her eye, "I might give it away to John for the price of a hug.”"  The deal was sealed and John wore the hat proudly during the rest of our stay in California.

When school started, John plopped on his hat as he walked out the door. After he came home I confronted him, "Did anyone ask what the United Ostomy Association was?" "Sure, all the time -- teachers and students," he replied. Curious, I asked, "What did you tell them about it?" "I told them it was an association of people that had ostomy in common," he explained. "Then when they asked me what an ostomy is, I told them it’s when people have to wear a bag or a pouch because their colon and stuff has been rerouted." I prodded him for more: "Do they ask more questions after that?" "Nope," he said with a smile. "They usually just walked away kind of fast."

He must have put more thought into dating someone with an ostomy as he did his homework, because he came to me later and said, "Mom, it wouldn't bother me because I know what it is because my Mom has one. If you'd never heard of it, though, you might have to get used to it," he added.

Since I was married when I found out I had colon cancer and consequently had my ostomy, I never experienced the stress of dating while living with an ostomy. Dating without one was traumatic enough.

I always learn so much from my kids. John's words held a lot of simple wisdom. If someone cares for you, that person will get used to your ostomy. We are all much more than our ostomies. We are whole people with great love, humor and passion. Our ostomies are a small part of us that others have to get used to. And this can happen only after we start getting used to ourselves.

Brenda Elsagher is a funny national keynote speaker, author and person living with an ostomy for 11 years. Her books, If the Battle Is Over, Why am I Still in Uniform? and I’d Like to Buy a Bowel Please! are available at www.livingandlaughing.com. She also welcomes questions or comments about this column. Please contact her at Brenda@livingandlaughing.com.