Ask Brenda: Option Fatigue
November 01, 2008

Brenda Elsagher wakes up to the many joys of choice
 
By Brenda Elsagher
 
Ever feel exhausted by choices? My husband and I set out to go to a movie and once we get there, we find 16 other options. And there's food envy. When the waitress brings my dinner, why does everybody else's always seem more appealing? There are just too many phones, service plans and extended warranties to choose from. Option fatigue is rampant! 
   
It happens with our health, too. When I met with the fifth doctor in a line-up of eight that would examine the golf ball-size tumor growing in my rectum, I was frustrated. I owned a busy hair salon, had two children under 6 years old, and I didn't have time for cancer, much less an ostomy. All I wanted to know was, "Will I be having chemo and radiation first or surgery first?"
 
He kept giving me different answers that all pointed to options and no definitive action plan. All of a sudden, I felt like I was talking to a politician instead of a doctor with a plan. In my exasperation, I said, "Look, doctor, I am a hair stylist. I can advise you if you should have your hair cut above or in the middle of your ear. You are the doctor, not me…why can't I get a straight answer?"
 
Finally, the gynecologist who would be performing reconstruction surgery said, "I can't do this surgery on radiated tissues." At last, a decision was made. I would have chemo and radiation after surgery. In fact, after the pathology reports came back after surgery, the cancer had not spread and I didn't need chemo or radiation therapy. Now I understood why that doctor kept giving me options — he didn't have all the facts.
 
I have since learned that options are my friends. In the hospital you get a pouch as long as the Mississippi River and as clear as water. It's a little daunting to imagine that thing hanging off your belly for all time. Then you learn that this pouch is good for the hospital staff to use so they can see what's happening and it's easier for them to work with. Not long after, your WOC nurse comes to visit with an array of pouches for you try at home, not to mention all the pastes, tapes and powders. I have to admit that I was confused by all the different pouches, where to order them and how to take care of each one.
 
Once you choose the right pouch through trial and error and samples from Hollister, you start to think about the cosmetics of the pouch (especially for intimate moments). Then you discover the various companies that make pouch covers, or you design your own. I have heard some people say it makes them happier to have something fun to cover their pouches. I never worried about that too much, but a tummy or tush cover might be good. A messy room cover would be even better. Those are the things that distract me during intimate moments.
 
When I got my colostomy 12 years ago, there wasn't the great support there is today. When I was at the national UOAA conference in Illinois last year, I spent a day at Hollister learning more about the Secure Start Discharge Program for new ostomy patients. I wish that had been around when I got my ostomy. They send a kit made up just for you, prescribed by your WOCN, with pouches and other things you may need and provide follow-up calls to see if the pouches are working well. In this day of so many options, they take the confusion away and slow down the process of trial and error without wasted expense and products.
 
It just occurred to me, I never have to give my ostomy pouch another thought when I go out to dinner and lust after another diner's entrée. These days, it takes me longer to make a decision about which movie to see than which pouch to wear...that's freedom.
 
Brenda Elsagher is a national keynote speaker, author of If the Battle is Over, Why am I Still in Uniform? and I'd Like to Buy a Bowel Please! Are you a closet writer? Please submit a funny or inspiring medical story to Brenda for her next book, Bedpan Banter. Go to www.livingandlaughing.com for more details. She also welcomes comments and questions at 1.952.882.9882.
 
"These days it takes me longer to make a decision about which movie to see than which pouch to wear...that’s freedom."